How to stop self sabotage

Each of us has many stories. About our creation. About the shaping of Self. About being scared, not wanted, shut down. We remember these stories every morning when we wake up.

But what we forget is that they are just stories, projections created by our brain. That they are not us.

A story cannot walk through the door and say: “hello, I am ready to create!” But you can.

Why do we turn stories into ropes that bind us? Why do we turn stories into boxes we hide in? Why do we allow an electromagnetic wave to have power over matter?

Because we like linear progression. We like stories to have a start and an end. We like the if-then structure. We like to form conclusion based on known variables and actions.

But suppose if we accept that this linear programming is just a function of our ego. That each and every story is in fact happening simultaneously with each and every other story including the story yet to be made.

How would we be?

Let us look at one such story. The story name “Because”:

II
We have heard about “unconditional love”. Yes? It’s when you love someone without the “because”. Without attachment to who they are or what they do. But gave you heard about “unconditional doing”?

I bet you heard about the opposite- “conditional not doing”. Yes, you had!

I hear it from you every day: I am afraid to speak my voice because twenty years ago someone told me I don’t matter. I cannot start my own business because for generations my family has been creating a pattern of being poor. I had a past life where I was abused by a man and therefore my relationship with men is hard. Five years ago I was fired unfairly and now I have a block when it comes to looking for a job. My best friend betrayed me and now I have a hard time trusting people. My wife cheated on me and now I have no self esteem. I grew up in a country that saw many wars and now I have to have a lot of stuff just in case. When I was young other kids had better clothes and so now I don’t feel worthy of nice stuff. It goes on an on.

Go ahead, come up with five reasons of your own. Do it. It’s fun. It’s a game. Play it consciously. Enjoy it. You play it unconsciously every day anyways.

You play it with me. You come to me for answers. And I give you answers. I tell you these stories, reasons, explanations when I read your energy. Because that’s what I see standing in front of you. Or rather that’s what you put forward when you walk through the door with your head down asking me for answers or excuses for your failures. You nod your head and sigh, yes this is so, you say.

And when I tell you that there’s strength and resource in your ancestry and your past lives, when I point to all the things you accomplished in this life, you look at me with eyes full of tears and whisper “really?” As if its perfectly normal to find excuses for why you can’t do something and yet there’s something inherently wrong with closing your eyes, putting one foot in front of the other and seeing what you create.

Why do you play a game of shoots and ladders where the shoots work perfectly fine and each ladder has a broken rung?

You don’t? Really?

Trace your thoughts every time you want to do something but you don’t. What excuses or rules do you make up? Why do you enjoy playing a game of self blame, self control, self limitation?

“I don’t enjoy it,” you say?

Then why do you do it? Why don’t you find another game?

Answer these questions and you’ll find freedom.

Then choose another game, destroy the old rules, make up new ones. It’s all in your head anyways. No one is holding you hostage with a gun. No one is tying you to a chair forcing you to stay indoors instead of going for a walk. No one is forcing you to eat or not eat anything. Don’t like sometime, don’t do it. Like something? Do it. Don’t like what you just read, cool. It’s my game anyways, not yours. Don’t play my game then. Find your own. And if I like it, I’ll join you.

 

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