The divine art of cosmic recognition
By Elora Fina
When it comes to my spiritual practice, I rarely expose my experiences. I hold my ceremonial and spiritual practice very close to my heart as these moments are deeply personal, private and sacred. For me, there is a fair share of shadow and inner-work, healing of the inner-child and exposure to parts of my ego that are often painful, confronting and just down right ugly to deal with.
Why would I want to publicly unveil this part of myself to the world wide web?
On the evening of January 6th, I participated in a guided meditation with a dear friend, Dina Kleiman. The space was magnificently set; candles created a soft peach glow in the room as they sat gently inside Himalayan salt rocks, dozens of crystals of all shapes, colors and sizes spread out on a grid to conduct healing energy and connection to mother earth and the pungent aroma of palo santo (tree bark related to Frankincense) wafting through our noses purifying our hearts, bodies and mind. It was no different than any other meditation circle I had attended with her; The space was safe, I was relaxed and the soft binaural beats playing in the background were lulling me in to meditation mode.
A half hour or so in to the meditation my back started to hurt. I’m not talking about the normal ache or pain that might occur when sitting on the floor or while trying to crack your back. I’m talking about that deep tissue, muscular, kidney area pain. The kind of pain that arrives very very slowly and builds up until you can’t take it anymore and you surrender to laying down and stretch until you cry kind of pain. And of course, I knew exactly why my back was hurting so much… First of all, the moon had just entered Libra (I’m not going to get in to the esoteric details of why this is such a big deal, just know it was a big deal), I started my menstrual cycle the day before (apologies for the TMI but it was absolutely impactful) and for the last three nights I had been painting (until 5am) while sitting on the concrete floor in my garage studio in an awkward forward bend position as my easel is at an angle. Needless to say, I was a hot-spiritual-mess.
Fast forward to about an hour in to the guided meditation. At this point my back was in such excruciating pain I thought I was going to have to break my criss-cross applesauce sitting position and sprawl out on the floor in the middle of everyone meditating in the sacred circle. Focusing on my breath and remaining still was like trying to wrangle my twin seven year olds out of line for a Disneyland ride because the line was too long while Mommy is ‘hangry’. So ya, almost impossible. Committed to the exercise, I was determined to find resolve. In true desperation for a meditative breakthrough, spiritual release or the grand possibility that because of my physical suffering I could manifest a healing archangel to cure me of my pain (what’s hysterical is that I am a Reiki Master), I succumbed to asking for help. Wondering what to ask, how to ask… I finally blurted out in my mind to my spirit guides the following, “PLEASE SHOW ME how you are communicating with me, I beg you…”
(The following explanation occurred instantly – like lightening. The visions appeared faster than my ego-mind could possible conjure. Everything happened so quickly, succinctly and divinely…)
In a micro-instant, I saw the image of myself sitting in front of the mandala painting I’ve been working on for the last three nights. The palms of my hands are facing the painting as if I am performing a reiki healing on it. Bright gold, silver and white light emitting from my fingers up in to the painting, my eyes are closed and I am in energetic connection with the painting in front of me. Then, spirit guides began to speak to me, in a somewhat sarcastic and playful way I hear them exclaim, “What do you mean how are we communicating with you?! We’ve been speaking to you through your hands as you manifest your art this whole time!”
My heart is beating so hard and I feel the light of my guides all around me. The images continue to flash at lightening speed and I see dozens and dozens of images of myself from past days, months, years, and decades… All of the visions are of myself painting, drawing, sculpting, photographing, jewelry making -my hands clearly visible emitting light- creating art… There are so many flashes of myself flipping through my mind I can barely recall them all. As the flashes of imagery continue, sitting in meditation I felt my hands grow intensely hot and tingly. My eyes welling with tears, my body lunges forward and I begin to sob from my solar plexus. The kind of sobbing that is so deep there is almost no sound. My throat was so tight I could barely breath. The pain was deep, the tears thick. At this point in the meditation it didn’t matter that snot was freely oozing out of my nose and tears melting my mascara… I knew my mask was being removed by spirit. Another layer of inauthentic caked on plastic coated glitter glazed mask was finally being removed.
As the visions began to slow and fade to black in my mind, I sat in awe of the divine moment I was experiencing. All at once I began to feel the constraints and shame of the little girl inside of me. It was obviously time to revisit my inner-child. She was deeply hurt by the stories she had made up in her precious mind. Stories of unworthiness – she’s not good enough to be an artist, stories of shame – Daddy didn’t want her to go to art school because it was too expensive, stories of longing and acceptance – maybe if I win enough awards or get accepted in to a private art school ‘they’ will think I am talented enough… and on and on. My self-expression had been stifled since I was a child, and it was time to honor her again.
For most of my life, the critical voice in my head made me believe that I wasn’t ever going to be an artist (whatever that meant).
I had it that in order to be ‘successful’, I must live a life focused on long term career intentions and lifestyle (the way society/the matrix grooms us – go to school, college, get a job and buy the car, house, marriage, children, retire… blah blah blah). I was also constantly concerned and over-burdened with trying to figure out why I dove so deeply in such a variety of visual arts media and could never manage to focus on just one medium… as if there was something wrong with me. Over the years I learned that it was a true blessing that I dedicated so much time on such a variety of artistic expressions. For I had become a master with my hands creating aesthetically pleasing artistic manifestations in a spectrum of categories… In early childhood: paper arts (cutting, engineering structures, elaborate snowflakes, etc), collage, drawing, and beading. In later years, makeup artistry, jewelry design, and photography. And today, painting, fine-art and illustration.
My spirit guides, divine angels, whatever you want to call them… gave me a distinct and crystal clear message that evening. These guides have been communicating through me, through my hands, for my entire life… In that night during meditation… it was cosmic recognition that what I create is in fact coming from a divine place outside of myself – from the stars, the heavens, the cosmos… and it reinforced my belief that we all have the capacity to fully express ourselves at any moment. For it is the divine that is always guiding, leading and gently pushing us towards our greatness.
I am consciously choosing not to hide behind my gifts any longer. I won’t speak lowly of what I create nor will I downplay the cosmic/esoteric significance and purpose of my artful expressions. I will no longer carry the weight of my past inner-child traumas with me. That baggage does not serve me and is not allowed to pass through customs where I am traveling to.
I am a leader in this movement to awaken others; as we all discover and uncover and ultimately share our gifts. I am a creative access to others willing to TRUST and be the divine expression we are inherently blessed with. This is a declaration of my Mission. My Purpose. The Expression of Myself.
2018 is said to be the year of The Union. I believe it is also the year of union between Oneself to our true capacity for expression and contribution to the world.
All art in this article is original work by Elora Fina and is available for sale. Check out Instagram @elorafina
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