Death and Rebirth: an Ayahuasca lesson
Guest blog post by Jim Villareal
Today I am inspired to speak a bit about a subject that we’ve all been trained to fear. It can be a scary word, however, do we actually know what it is?
Many of you have heard/experienced Ayahuasca also dubbed as “The Vine of Death”. When I first heard this phrase, I was like, “Why would anyone want to try that?”. But I found soon enough that my perception was tainted by what others taught me.
That all said, I have a very strong compass that allows me to see through BS. That is to say, if you haven’t experienced something directly then you cannot have an opinion on it. If someone does give an opinion on a subject matter in which they have zero experience then its a flat out lie.
I’m sure this is the time where I’m sure you’re saying, “What is he talking about”.
Well, I want to to talk about death. I’ve pondered the word many times and then I started seeking it out. Not in a morbid suicidal way, more so, I seeked it out in a curious, wtf is it way.
The first time I drank Ayahuasca, I went into the ceremony with the intentions of wanting to understand life on a deeper level. I was having a “Why the fuck am I hear” moment.
So, I went up to the Shaman said a small prayer and took the thick honey like substance back. I went back to my space and began to meditate in a rather militaristic way. Looking back, the ego was determined to hold my space strongly and not let the medicine kick my ass. Boy o’ boy was I in for a surprise.
I immediately purged into my bucket. As I purged, I had visions of throwing parts of my ego up. The arrogant asshole that was trying to bulldoze everything over into submission was coming out of me. Once I was done puking into the bucket that seemed to be eternal and bottomless, I stood up while everything was quiet and said “Get the fuck out of me” in front of 30 other people while pointing at my bucket as if I was pointing at a being that I was fed up with.
Once I offloaded this massive heaviness, the trip started to happen. My body felt feather like and began to drift into the spirit world. Scared out of my mind, I asked for help. Someone quickly came to me and escorted me out of the ceremony space.
As soon as I left the space, I looked at my hands in amazement. I was seeing tracers and it was getting stronger. I kept trying to grasp onto the material world distracting me from the inevitable lessons I was about to get from spirit.
The sitter that was next to me got an earful from me as soon as I was slipping deeper in. I told him to make it stop and he sat there with loving eyes. “Its best to just let go” he says. Then he walked me through a meditation. This was very synchronistic because I’ve been practising Zazen which is Zen meditation for about a year before I got to that point. I had no idea he was a Zen practitioner and it was a rather rare instance. Now I know that Mother Aya had this all set up for me so Id feel comfortable in letting go. He told me to sit up straight, cross my legs for grounding and breathe.
Once I did this, It all happened.
It was similar to the movie, “A Christmas Story” where Ebenezer Scrooge was woken up by 3 spirits. They took him by the hand to show him his past, present and future. In this same way, the guides that have always been with me came and got me.
The first lesson I got was that I forgot about my brothers and sisters. That I was being selfish and I was here to be a part of a unified human spirit. Therefore, all the strangers around me in the ceremony started feeling familiar. I pendulated out of the trip and opened my eyes. I looked deeply at the sitter next to me. I’ll never forget this feeling of love. It inspired me to tell him, that I’m sorry that I forgot and that I loved him very much. I leaned forward and gave him a big hug like I’ve never hugged anyone before.
Once the moment and lesson was complete. Aya taught me about my body. She told me that I needed to take care of it and in order to understand the earth, I must first understand my very own home. I felt so much love for it that I began to weep in thankfulness.
In between lessons, I was able to take small breaks and am now realizing that after the break was over, I was going to die once again. But something was different this time. I was ok with it. All the shit that I was holding onto didn’t matter anymore. It was gone and I was able to die into spirit at will.
The next lesson was my communion with the Mother Earth. Right around this time, the medicine was making my body hot. So I asked the sitter if I could sit next to the window. So he gently picked me up and put me on a couch next to some 12ft french doors. He opened them up all the way and the sweet cool air of the Blue Ridge mountains swept in and took me away into my mother. Somewhere during my youth, I was disconnected from her and she showed up to be there for me in spirit form. I’ve never felt so much love in my life. She was talking to me, cleaning me out and rocked me in her arms. Being so comfortable I had slipped into an alternate state of being. I had no name, didn’t know what I was other than safe and loved. I was reborn.
Once the rebirthing process started, I was taken to someone that I now see as source or some would call him, god. I saw an infinite rainbow serpent passing right in front of me and I was it. He felt ancient, timeless even. I can now describe it as, the space in which everything that exists is suspended in.
I stayed in this state for a good while and got to know all the beings that were there with me. Me, my mother and father.
Then the medicine began to bring me out as the lessons have been taught. But the process was a rebirthing process. The old me was gone and my spirit began to inoculate the body. I went from nothing to a baby, toddler, teenager and then became the man I was supposed to be. A right of passage as they say.
From that point on, I now know why they call it the vine of death. Its because death and birth are the same thing. I was a shown that death is a hoax. What we’ve been taught is to fear it so we will stay obedient to greedy power.
Once the fear of death is gone, what else is there to fear? Now I aim towards love and I look forward to the day that I reunite with all on the other side. Until then, I didn’t come to play it safe. I’m here to support the human spirit and create outlets for my brothers and sisters to express themselves in what they truly are.
We are all protectors of this planet and its time to stop doing things just in the name of money. When we all discover our purpose, it will shine so much light, that we will never forget that love is the only thing that is. I encourage all of you to find out what death is. Once we all find out, we will never miss another loved one again.
Deep bow to all of you